Dear Doc,

I have been dating this girl I’ll call her Jane for about 2 years now…. shes really sweet but she doesnt like to come with me to see my family she only likes to go see her family. Now she did have a fight with my dad a while back, but my dad doesn’t care about it at all and he has resolved it. For about a month i’ve been thinking of breaking up with her because of that. I want a girl that likes my family and she clearly doesn’t. But, everytime i go to break up with her i can’t, I don’t know why either, maybe because she crys in front of me when i talk about leaving she says she loves me but she has a funny way of showing it and i dont think she really loves me like she says……now a week ago an old friend came back to town from the navy we will call her Jill, and it stired up old feelings we had for each other…. and I’ve never felt this way about a girl before. I really want to be with her. and she wants to be with me. But i feel that im cutting Jane short of her chance, but i also feel that if i don’t break up with her that I’m missing Jill a once and life time chance. I am so confused and don’t know what I should do at all. Can you give me your advice on this one??? I’m really lost, and I’m normally not like this, i normally know what I want.



Dear Stuck,

It sounds to me that you’re not as lost as you think, and that you know exactly what you want. It’s commonly referred to as “having your cake and eating it, too.” That said, it’s not always impossible, however it is fairly implausible. You have an established relationship with Girl A which is mostly comfortable, yet you want the excitement of dating Girl B as it is new and refreshing. I have several questions that come to mind when reading through your email, not the least of which are related to why other countries educate their citizens to master multiple languages while ours fails to properly instill the basic rules of our one language into its own. Have you ever asked her why she doesn’t like your family? If her reasons are legit, ie accusations of rape against your father perhaps, it might be a good thing to let that ship sail. Now the fact that you can’t muster the [insert slang for male genitalia here] to break up with Girl A simply because she starts to cry, that is your own weakness and overall failure to man up to the task at hand. Own it, or live with the consequences of your miserable failure. Girl B from the Navy sounds interesting and exciting, and if the old stereotype holds true, is probably an ace in the sack. That said, you don’t get to be that exciting, interesting, or skilled in the bedroom overnight, pardon the pun. That takes time, experience, and most likely a laundry list of random guys lying in her wake. Also disturbing is that you mentioned that you had “never felt this way about a girl before,” implying that you have felt this way about a boy. If that is the case no amount of opinion/advice columns can help you out of that one. That’s a whole new barrel of craziness and I’ve seen a rainbow variety of parades to prove it.

The way I see it you have 3 basic options. Option 1 is to allow the time you’ve spent with Girl A outweigh the discomfort regarding your family, and the possible wild and crazy times you could be having with Girl B. Option 2 is to pitch history, and Girl A, behind you and march ‘once more unto the breach’ with Navy Girl B, enjoying the excitement of the unknown as it comes. Option 3 seems a bit seedy, and honestly way out of your league, but you could attempt to see them both at the same time. With or without their joint knowledge or consent, it could be an exciting ride while it lasts. This option does tend to end badly, most notably with one or multiple deaths, the removal or defamation of genitals, or the joining/creating of cult. Now there is a hypothetical Option 4, being deciding that men are more up your alley, pardon the pun once again, in which case my only advice is DON’T DO IT, and if you must do it, don’t run for office or become a television evangelist.

I hope I have adequately answered your inquiries.

With kindest of regards,

Doc Dover